One of the problems with being a manager is that no oneteaches you to be a manager. Mostfolks who become managers do so because they are technically competent at whatthey do, and they get promoted. Therefore most managers are learning by trial and error and committingsome atrocities along the way, while learning.

In a (small) effort to stem the carnage, here is a list of 7phrase every manager should use liberally in their everyday conversations withemployees – and why.

Thank you

For a long time when I was a newmanager, my thinking was that I should intervene only if someone neededguidance / correction - otherwise they “knew” that no news was good news.WRONG. Not only is thanking someone for doing their job well, polite, it alsogoes a long way towards employee satisfaction and loyalty. Would you ratherwork for a boss that acknowledges your good work, or ignores it? No brainer.But it took MY brain a long time to figure that one out.

May I give you some feedback?

I learned this from a consultingclient who is still in my Top 3 of favorite clients, although we haven’t workedtogether in a dozen years. I think he is a favorite because of this verytechnique (and he’s funny, whichalways scores points with me).  At thestart of our relationship he said “At times I’ll want to give you feedback andI’ll always ask your permission first, OK?” Well sure, who’s going to say no to that? So throughout our 4 or 5 yearsof working together he often asked, “May I give you some feedback?” to which,again, I always said yes. What I thought was remarkable about the technique wasthat after a while, it went both ways. Because he had garnered so much respectfrom me by using this technique, I eventually returned the favor by offeringhim feedback when I felt he could benefit from it. And of course, by asking first“May I give you some feedback?”

Walk me through your thinking...

Part of being a leader / manageris helping your employees to grow in their capabilities. No one becomes morecapable if you simply issue commands at them and expect them to comply. Youneed to give employees some autonomy to make decisions and take the lead intheir work. But of course, making decisions can lead to making mistakes. Ratherthan berating or correcting, asking the employee to “walk me through yourthinking,” helps you to realize why they thought it was a good decision andthen allows you to correct that thinking so that they are better informed inthe future. (WHY did you do that?! issimilar, but more aggressive and less open-ended.)

What else?

This phrase is a good one to usein tandem with the one above. When conversing with employees, they may believethey are taking up your valuable time or abbreviating what they aretransmitting to you because they think, of course you know the preamble, theywill just get you to the “point.” Asking “what else” shows that you have thetime to hear them out and – more importantly – gets them to delve deeper in totheir thinking and rationale.  In mymind, asking “what else” is a lot like a psychologist asking “and how did thatmake you feel?” – it makes the employee pause and go deeper in their thinking.

In my experience...

Sometimes managers areknow-it-alls – do it my way because I’ve been on this job for 15 years and knowwhat’s best. But of course, that doesn’t help your employees to understand the“why” behind the directive and also doesn’t endear them to you.  A simple change in phrasing gets to the sameend-point but in a more collaborative and supportive way. Rather than issuing acommand, simply deliver the same information with the preamble, “In my experience…” 

For example, rather than telling anew salesperson “Never interrupt the customer,” you’ll say, “In my experience,when the customer is interrupted, they either don’t care to share the rest oftheir story or they start the whole story all over again – neither of whichhelps us to move the sale along.”

How can I help?

As mentioned a few times now, as amanager it is your job to grow the capabilities of your employees. When yougive them autonomy and enable them to make decisions they oftentimes will fearthat asking for help means you were wrong about them – that they really aren’tready for the responsibilities you’ve given them. It’s important to proactivelyask “how can I help?” which opens the door for them to share where (or why)they are stalled. This is a much smarter behavior (on your part) than waitingfor the individual to fail and then asking “What went wrong?”

What’s working?

Much like phrase #1 – saying Thank You – asking “what’s working?” focuseson the positive and helps you to understand what your employee appreciates orenjoys about their job. Again, because employees are often afraid of violatingyour valuable time, they will only come to you in “dire” circumstances – whenthey need help or there is a problem; but you want to hear about the wholeperson and everything that is going well in their job. This helps you toidentify their strengths and interests which allows you to develop them inareas where they will be successful.

These7 tips will make your job as a manager somuch easier, by opening up the lines of communication and adding positivity tothe workplace.  You will reap long-termrewards by being a manager who shows respect and is respected by theiremployees.